Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from being hit.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
Chuck Norris is not a man of few words. Chuck Norris is a man of lots of roundhouse kicks to the face.
Chuck Norris gets a hole in zero every time he goes golfing.
If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
Chuck Norris once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain and the back tire.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Chuck Norris never cries, because of this when he's sad he roundhouse kicks himself and it makes him feel better since he knows he is the only one who can survive the roundhouse.
Chuck Norris doesn't worry about changing his clock twice a year for daylight savings time. The sun rises and sets when Chuck tells it to.
If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.
When his martial arts prowess fails to resolve a situation, Chuck Norris plays dead. When playing dead doesn’t work, he plays zombie.
Chuck Norris had a role in Star Wars he was the force.
Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space with the naked eye.
If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list.
Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.
If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a pokemon card, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly ‘get out of jail free’ card.
Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker’s real father.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Scientists in Washington have recently conceded that, if there were a nuclear war, all that would remain are cockroaches and Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.
Chuck Norris got a perfect score on his first star test, simply by writing Chuck Norris for every answer.
Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.
Chuck Norris doesn't have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are black belts in every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick the viruses. That's why Chuck Norris never gets ill.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1.... 1 roundhouse kick to the face…
Chuck Norris can drown a fish. If you ask him how, he'll say, I'm Chuck Norris. I can.
The Death Star tried to destroy Chuck Norris with it's laser beam. Look what happened to it.
Chuck Norris has an Xbox live account on playstation.